When Fathers Molest Their Daughters

ruthmurphy, when most fathers molest their daughters, trust, family valuesNothing is as devastating to a young girl as being molested by their father. Sexual molestation is a heinous crime that leaves invisible scars for life and it can throw the entire family into chaos and turmoil. Overcoming this kind of abuse is a process that takes time, patience and love as well as professional help in most instances. To begin the journey you must first understand what has been destroyed when fathers molest their daughters.

Trust

The first casualty of this kind of abuse is trust. When fathers molest their daughters it is normally within the confines of their own home and bedrooms, which is the one place that should be a sanctuary from the evils of the world. Not to mention that this is the one person in her life that should be her protector. This action can forever color the way she sees the male species.

Security in her home, bedroom and familial relationships has been tainted and a molested girl has nowhere she can feel safe or trust that nothing bad will happen to her.

Shame

The numbers are staggering when it comes to molestation. Statistics will shock you but what will shock you even more is the number of girls who never report when fathers molest their daughters. The most common reason for not reporting is shame.

Sexual contact at a young age brings feelings of shame upon the victim. She may feel it was something she said, did or wore that brought about the attack. The truth is far from that reality but a young girl will have difficulty casting her father as the pervert for many years. It is easier to take the blame and the shame than to speak up and have people wonder or even say hurtful things. Even without these concerns, a girl who has been molested may feel dirty and not want anyone to know what has happened to her.

Family

Families are destroyed when fathers molest their daughters. Often times mom becomes a single parent, dad may go to jail (though that is not a given) and life as you know it completely and irrevocably changes.

Overcoming

These are just a few of the many issues that come about when fathers molest their daughters. Girls can also become sexually promiscuous at a young age or completely frigid and scared of men, neither of which is healthy.

The first step in overcoming of course is to find safety. If this is your daughter, you need to move, divorce or whatever else may be necessary for her to find a semblance of safety where trust can be rebuilt. If you are the adult survivor of the abuse you may currently be in an abusive adult relationship, you are still not safe and you need to get out to heal.

Counseling is a great step toward processing all the feelings that come when fathers molest their daughters. Anger, shame, loneliness and guilt are all common among molestation victims.

At some point, it will be important to visit the idea of forgiveness. Not for the molesters sake, but your own. That is not to say this is easy or will happen quickly because chances are it will not, but when you can release the hatred and other emotions through forgiveness you will be free from their effects.

Finally

This is by no means a comprehensive list on overcoming when fathers molest their daughters. Each person may have other unique issues that came from the abuse that will need to be addressed. The good news is you can move forward from this terrible act and live a full and productive life!

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4 Responses to When Fathers Molest Their Daughters

  1. b January 2, 2012 at 11:55 pm #

    I am an adult 65 year old woman now. My father started handlling and fingering all my most private parts when I was 12. I have had 5 marriages and 5 divorces. My mother knew and never divorced or had him arrested and still maintains her relationship with the creep. I have never in my life had any kind of family support and have sought it in all my extended family. I ask my mother once weekly why she never would divorce or have the creep arrested. She told me then her marriage would come to an end. She treasures her marriage and has thrown me to the wolves everytime she could beginning when I got out of high school. I have not been able to grow emotionally and still feel I am a child. I have all night nightmares and have since I was 12. My life has been uterly destroyed. I cannot stand any of my family because they did nothing to protect me or hold the creep accountable in any way. My mother’s only concern is money. She talks the NEGATIVE ABOUT HIM but DOES the positive her relationship with the creep. I am hoping God in Heaven will give me to loving parents who would never molest me or abandon me as I have been. There is just never an end to crying. I ache for loving family and security. I think of death and anticipate it as the only relief I will ever have. I know there are many others out there like me. I would love emails from others who suffer the way I have. Please I don’t want to hear a word about “forgiveness”. My bio father and mother are the very same today as they were when I was 12 and would do it all over again today.

    • MYL February 2, 2012 at 1:16 pm #

      I’m 21 years old and what you described is the exact situation i’m in. My father tried to rape me when i was 11. He molested me from age 3-14. I ran away at 14, when the cops found me i told them why. It was because he tried to molest me again. They arrested him.

      At the end of the day, my mother had to choose between me or my father. She chose him and i was thrown out on the streets. I ended up going to foster care and being moved from different homes. I’ve lived on my own since then. But i still feel like a weak child in certain moments of my life.

      My mother knows what happened but denies it. She says she hates my father, but cant leave because of financial reasons. That’s all bullshit, shes a money hungry woman and cannot live without designer named items. She’s afraid to be less then middle class.

      I have moments when i lose motivation for life. I have terrible trust issues, i can’t keep friends. I’ve never dated, only slept with a few random guys, but have no desire to continue to do so.

      I feel relationships are a waste of time, human interaction, anything really.

      I don’t know whats stopping me from starting my life over in another world, but it has to be worth while i guess.

  2. Rone Janse van Rensburg February 3, 2012 at 7:08 am #

    My husband, M, molested our first born, L, on a regular basis till the age of 4years (grooming started at about 15 months in 2003) I NEVER KNEW! He was so ‘loving’ and ‘caring’ towards her. Little did I know that when I went to the shops, a walk or to bed, she had to “repay” him in full for his “kindness”…I I have a certificate from High court that says with all the evidence presented to them, he is GUILTY! Yet, as my daughter was (in 2007) too young to testify, I as mother must find other ways to protect her from him. How is that for justice? He got married again in 2008, had a daughter and named her Mia, the name he wanted for our first born (I felt everyone in the family must have their own initial, so we named her L) ….and I KNOW history will – is repeating- itself. He is just better in covering it up this time.
    God knows what he did, and although the weel of justice is turning VERY slowly, it IS turning. His punishment for his actions WILL come.

  3. alison June 10, 2014 at 4:48 pm #

    I have been through the exact same thing as you, except I am younger. I would love to talk to you.

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